Masochist
by Twisted Badger
Summary: I had always thought I was a masochist. I guess it would explain the early stages of puberty. You know. Cutting myself. Jacking off with a bloody wrist. That sort of thing. Grim/Ichi. Dark themes, Yaoi, Incest, Drug Abuse, Cutting.
1. Sadomasochist

**Authors Note: I hope this one is alright. Review it. This is for -chan SP who wanted Grimmjaw to be on bottom. I do not own Bleach of any of its characters. **

I had always thought I was a masochist.

I guess it would explain the early stages of puberty.

You know, cutting myself.

Jacking off with a bloody wrist.

That sort of thing.

I don't really know how I got into it.

I came from a rich family.

Started doing drugs at a young age.

(Twelve, or thirteen?)

The funny thing is, the only part I liked about drugs was the withdrawal.

I'd do heroin, just to experience it.

I guess you could say I was always fucked.

But, I only knew something was wrong with me as soon as I'd met him.

He messed everything up.

x.x.x

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He practically screamed at me.

I wasn't doing much.

At least not enough for him to be practically shitting himself over.

I was burning cigarettes into my arm.

"_Feeling_" I drawled out.

He slapped my hand, and the cigarette out of it.

"Feeling? What the fuck do you mean, feeling?"

I laughed.

Something clenched at the pit of my gut.

Not enough to hurt.

Just enough to feel.

I stared at him curiously.

"It turns me on." I said with a smirk, "hurting myself like this. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

His body was trembling.

My cock was stiff.

x.x.x

It had been one of those really long days at school.

I had a shitload of homework, and not enough time to do all of it.

I had six projects coming up.

That plus the shitload of work I had to finish for tomorrow.

I sighed.

"I'm home" I called out.

Even though I knew no one would answer.

I was proved wrong soon enough.

"_Hey, sunn." _

My dad was home early today.

He'd been drinking again.

It wasn't long before he started to hit me.

x.x.x

"Grimmjaw?" He asked, hesitantly.

He didn't want to know the answer to whatever question he asked, so why bother?

"What?" I answered.

"Did you do that to yourself?"

He was talking about my swollen face.

Or maybe it was about the cuts on my arms.

But he probably couldn't see those.

It was probably my face.

I brought my fingers to it, and I smirked as it started to sting.

"That's none of your business." I replied easily.

He averted his gaze, "I guess not" he murmured weakly.

Was I hurting him?

I edged closer to him, and sighed.

"Ichigo" I breathed out his name.

He gave me a weary glance.

"I'm worried about you" He said. And I chuckled. "It's nothing I can't handle."

And I was right.

For the most part.

x.x.x

I lay down on the floor of my room.

I stared at the ceiling.

My entire body was sore.

Dad was harder today.

Everything was numb.

It didn't hurt enough.

x.x.x

"Grimmjaw, can I talk to you?"

"I don't want to talk to you"

I answered stiffly.

"Oh, okay."

He murmured.

I didn't talk to him for a while after that.

x.x.x

I had five hour shifts every day.

I was a stock boy.

Filling, emptying, and stocking shelves and boxes.

The boss knew that I was fucked up.

He never said anything, and in turn, I always worked late and unreasonable hours.

It was a good system.

I made eight dollars an hour.

Five hour shifts, five times a week.

x.x.x

I was at Ichigo's house, and we were both working on our Math Project.

It was basically all of the shit we did all year, packed into one review.

One review that was ten percent of our mark.

I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Fuck, it's three already. Let's call it a night?"

I growled out.

He nodded.

It took us half an hour to set up a mattress on the floor.

x.x.x

Ever since our first sleepover, I had always slept on the floor. Ichigo had always gotten the bed. (Even when we were at my house -which didn't happen often-)

I couldn't sleep tonight, though.

I let out a long sigh.

"Can't sleep?"

Ichigo whispered from the bed.

I waited for my eyes to adjust.

"Yeah."

I murmured as I moved to make my way into the bed with him.

He moved to make space.

I lay down beside him, and we held each other and fell asleep.

x.x.x

I woke up to him tracing the scars on my arms.

On my back.

Touching me everywhere.

Stinging the still new wounds.

I let out a moan.

He suddenly jumped.

"G-Grimmjaw?" He practically squeaked.

No more words.

I pressed my mouth onto his, and I felt him shake next to me.

"More" I growled against his lips.

He gripped my shoulders, as I continued to kiss him. I pinned him underneath me, and straddled his waist with a smirk. Fuck.

I suddenly pulled away.

His eyes were wide underneath me.

He hadn't kissed back, and he hadn't even closed his eyes.

He turned his head away.

Something in my stomach.

Something in my chest.

Strong enough to leave a scar.

x.x.x

I went home after that.

I went straight to my house, and room.

I pulled at my hair; I banged my head against a wall; I grabbed my pocket knife and sliced my arm; I overdosed on pills.

And then I fell asleep.

There was too much pain to do anything else.

x.x.x

I woke up with come all over my stomach.

My ass was sore.

I realized my dad had been in here.

I laughed, but my throat was dry so I began to cough.

I sat up, and winced.

Everything hurt.

Especially once I opened my eyes.

And saw Ichigo standing there with his widened eyes.

I looked down at my blood caked arms, and let out a sigh.

I didn't expect him to start crying.

He made his way over to me, and trembled as he tried to hold onto me.

I would have held him back (I guess) if I could feel my arms.

Oh well.

"Ichigo? Wanna get me some water?"

He nodded, and left.

He came back no more than five seconds later.

"Here." He said, "do you need help drinking it?"

"Yeah." I said with a smirk.

He moved the cup towards my lips, and slowly tilted it back until the water touched my tongue.

I sighed in contentment.

"Thanks" I said, once I had swallowed the water greedily.

He couldn't stop staring at my arms.

"Now, what?"

"I don't like this." He muttered.

Not like he could actually do anything about it.

"Was it me?" He suggested dumbly.

I thought for a moment.

"No, Ichigo. Don't flatter yourself."

He winced.

Stupid faggot.

x.x.x

I guess you could say we got closer after that.

And, by closer, I do mean Ichigo never let me out of his sight.

It didn't bother me so much.

It sort of grated my nerves when he watched me eat my lunch.

Or when he started crying, and thought I couldn't see him.

But especially when he started to follow me home.

x.x.x

"Where the _fuck_ do you think you're going?"

I inquired.

"With you."

Something in my stomach again.

Like moths gnawing at my inside.

"Well, you can't"

"Watch me."

I did.

I looked at him, and noticed the determined look in his eyes.

I offered him a small smile.

"Fine."

I began walking again. I had work today, so it wasn't as though he would be staying for a long time.

Hopefully my dad wasn't home.

x.x.x

"'Lo, Ichigo"

My dad slurred.

Ichigo smiled at him, "Hey, Mr. Jaggerjack."

He left us alone after that.

And I was genuinely surprised.

Ichigo and I went to my room.

And I kissed him again.

I couldn't stop kissing him.

He didn't kiss me back.

But I didn't care.

x.x.x

I lay in bed with Ichigo until it was time for me to go.

We didn't do any work, or projects.

We just stayed there.

No pain.

But this foreign feeling was also surprisingly comforting.

I kissed him goodbye.

x.x.x

Walking home after work.

The air was nice and breezy.

It felt crisp.

There were four men following after me.

Maybe I'd just let them rape me.

Fuck me up a bit more.

"Hey"

I called out.

The men stopped.

I turned around and smirked at them.

"You want me boys?"

x.x.x

I came home at six o clock in the morning.

I was supposed to come at three.

I was a little bloody and I was definitely limping.

I had sacked one of them in the face.

He had punished me accordingly.

I came home to find Ichigo working on my bed.

My eyes were tired.

My entire body felt like a brick.

"…Grimmjaw?" He asked, his eyes widening as soon as he saw me.

"You can't even save me, Ichigo."

And I laughed.

I laughed until I started to sob.

All Ichigo could do was watch me with wide eyes.

x.x.x

He held me.

And I felt like a pussy.

Fucking faggot.

Pussy faggot.

Fudgepacker.

I shuddered as I tried to pull away.

I didn't want this.

I didn't want this.

I hated this.

The more I hated it.

The more I edged closer.

The more I pulled him against me.

The more I wanted to kiss him all over again.

x.x.x

"You need a shower."

He said, as he looked at me.

"Can you trust me in there alone?"

No he couldn't.

He blushed, and I smirked.

"Fuck you." He muttered before grabbing my wrist and dragging me to the bathroom.

It hurt a bit when he did that, but I didn't bring it up.

I liked it when Ichigo hurt me.

x.x.x

He watched me wash my body.

He watched the water trickle down my chest, down my stomach.

He watched my erection.

"Hungry, Ichigo?"

His face was flushed.

He shook his head hurridly.

"Just hurry up, Grimmjaw."

"First I have to take care of something."

His eyes were huge as he watched me start to jack off.

x.x.x

It wasn't long before he decided to leave the bathroom.

Probably to go take care of his problem too.

I didn't finish jacking off.

It wasn't as interesting without him there.

I turned the water to scalding hot.

I stayed there for another thirty minutes.

Ichigo came to check on me then.

"Fuck!"

He shouted as he ran over to the shower and turned the water off completely.

"Do you do this to just piss me off?"

He continued to yell.

My skin was raw.

"I do this to get your attention." I said.

He growled at me.

Literally growled.

I did this before I met him too though.

But, I do it in front of him and stuff to get his attention (I think)

Actually I have no idea.

I smirked as he began to mutter something to himself.

Was he really worried about me? Or was I just a burden ?

Maybe I thought that if he didn't know about any of this, he wouldn't feel the compulsion to be with me all the time.

Fuck this.

"Ichigo?"

He looked at me warily.

"I want you.

Skeptically.

"How come I don't believe you then?"

"I don't know." I said with a shrug.

"You fucking sadomasochist." He muttered.

I laughed.

Maybe I did like seeing Ichigo hurt.

"What if I am then, Ichi?"

"Then I plan to fuck you so hard, it's the only way you're ever gonna wanna be hurt again."

I smirked.

"What are you waiting for?"

x.x.x

My skin was red and raw.

He lay down on the bed, and I straddled his waist.

He gripped my shoulders as I began to suck on his neck.

Biting the skin there.

He groaned in pain.

I was naked and dripping.

I sucked until there wasn't a spot on his neck and shoulders that wasn't covered in either red or blood.

He was hard.

I almost laughed, but settled for a smirk.

I pinched his nipples through his shirt, and he writhed underneath me.

"Fuck, Grimmjaw!"

"Exactly." I said, before unzipping his pants.

A pretty big size for a red-head.

Before he could even try to take his pants completely off I had slammed myself down on his cock.

His eyes were wide, and he practically screamed.

I gripped his shoulders, and smirked.

My lower half felt like it was ripped in two.

I smirked, as I began to ride him.

I was unbelievably hard.

No lubricant, no preparation.

I knew I was bleeding.

"Touch yourself."

Ichigo grunted.

Like a professional.

I moaned, as I began to pump my cock and ride him at the same time.

This was so good.

He suddenly flipped the two of us around so he was pounding into me.

It wasn't as deep as it was before.

I scowled.

"Ichigo, what the f-_fuck!" _

My prostate.

He began to pinch and twist at my nipples, and I couldn't help but love it.

I was so close.

He began to fuck harder.

Angled at my prostate every time.

He began to bite my neck.

I let out a sob as I came.

All over my hand, and his stomach.

It took him a few more thrusts to come inside of me.

He moved to pull out, and I pulled him closer.

I wanted it to hurt in the morning.


	2. Routine

Author's Note: The man of my dreams just broke my heart and left it in a crumpled heap. Excuse me if the story ends up somewhat bitter, or just badly written.

Disclaimer: Twisted Badger does not own Bleach or any of the following characters.

x.x.x

_I let out a sob as I came._

_All over my hand, and his stomach._

_It took him a few more thrusts to come inside of me._

_He moved to pull out, and I pulled him closer._

_I wanted it to hurt in the morning._

x.x.x

"You awake?"

No, I'm still sleeping.

"C'mon Grimmjaw, you're crushing me." He moaned, as he tried to push me off.

Pansy.

I moved myself until my entire body draped over his.

He groaned.

"Fuck you!" He muttered as he tried to make himself more comfortable.

With no luck; I might add.

I let out a soft chuckle.

Before going back to sleep (of course).

x.x.x

I wasn't surprised to wake up alone.

I stretched my body, making sure to take as much space as possible.

Ahh.

My ass hurt like a bitch.

Most of my muscles ached.

I felt gobs of blood and come dripping out of me.

I smirked.

"Fuck" I moaned out, as I stood and made my way to the bathroom.

I needed a shower.

As I made my way there I realized that there was a note on my dresser.

Aw, how cute.

Sarcasm.

I picked it up and read it sceptically.

"_Be back soon." _

I rolled my eyes.

Like I really cared.

x.x.x

When he came back I did though.

Bruises, cuts, bite marks, limping.

Definitely limping.

"What the _fuck _Ichigo?" I said trying not to smirk.

Trying to take this seriously.

He looked at me with tired eyes.

"Your dad."

I felt something pound erratically against my chest.

For some reason I didn't exactly like that.

"What did he do?" I asked; my tone harder.

"He needed my help with taking some boxes into his car," he said slowly, "they were really heavy and I ended up dropping the fucking one filled with glass. I had to pick every fucking thing up."

I really didn't know what to say to that.

Or what facial expression to make exactly.

"You got all those lifting boxes?"

"Heavy boxes." He muttered.

Although it wasn't what I was expecting, I still didn't like that.

I didn't know what I was feeling.

But, I did like the way his body looked with those bruises.

Really sexy.

"Come here" I ordered gruffly.

He sighed, "not before I take a shower."

My skin still throbbed angrily from the shower I had just taken.

"No" I growled, before shoving his body against the dresser.

He let out a yelp as I crushed our lips together.

"_Fuck, _Grimmjaw" he tried to mutter as I forced my tongue into his mouth.

x.x.x

I loved physical pain.

Knives, burns, extreme sports…

Things like that.

Any pain concerning Ichigo, however.

Was sort of different.

I loved hurting him almost as much as hurting myself.

Punishing him.

Hitting him.

_Oh, God. _You should see some of the faces he makes.

"Grimmjaw" he sobbed, as I bit his nipples.

I forced my fingers inside of his tight hole.

I wasn't going to fuck him.

But, I knew how that would make him feel.

He turned and thrashed angrily.

Unsure if he wanted more, or less.

I finger fucked him for a short while longer, before grabbing his cock and forcing it inside of my ass.

He moaned underneath me.

I laughed hotly, before riding him.

My balls hit his stomach with every thrust. In out, in out.

It made me dizzy with pleasure.

More blood.

I moaned, and arched my back.

Harder now.

Almost.

I almost didn't register the door being slammed open.

I let out an angry sob as Ichigo continued to thrust into me.

Blissfully unaware.

"Grimmjaw?"

Dad.

x.x.x

He grabbed me by the hair, and dragged me out.

Ichigo tried to pull me back, but my dad wouldn't have it.

He yanked my hair harder.

Pulling some of it out of my scalp.

I still had an erection.

Ichigo's eyes were saucers as he realized I wasn't trying to push him away.

A sinking feeling.

My dad was going to rape me in front of Ichigo.

"Wait," I muttered "not here."

Hopeful.

My dad laughed.

"_Fuck _you" he slurred, before unzipping his pants and ramming himself inside of me.

He was bigger than Ichigo.

Rougher than Ichigo.

I sobbed.

Ichigo didn't move from his spot.

I watched him the entire time.

After my dad came, he pulled out.

Done, finished.

Not before flipping me over, and spanking me.

Hurting me.

Beating me.

In front of Ichigo.

Doggy position.

Still spanking.

Beating my cock.

I couldn't see Ichigo from this position.

But I could feel his eyes against my skin.

Almost done.

Hopeful again.

I couldn't wait until the aftermath.

Until I saw Ichigo cry again.

x.x.x

My dad spit on me before leaving the room with a satisfied smirk.

I lay on the floor and stared at the ceiling.

Whimpers.

I turned to see Ichigo looking down and trying to hide his tears from me.

Pussy.

I sat up with shaky legs, and moved towards my dresser.

I opened the first drawer.

Routine.

Rape, razor, rest.

He studied me carefully.

Desperately.

I took out my razor and walked over to him.

"_W-Wait"_ he sobbed.

"I'm not killing myself, idiot." I muttered.

I smirked at him.

"Just feeling." He took the razor and cut along my stomach.

My dad's come mixed with the cut and I winced.

Ichigo's hands were shaking.

Blood everywhere.

I straddled Ichigo's waist and his eyes were wide.

"Fuck me until I fall asleep." I ordered.

He gripped my hips with shaking hands.

Violently shaking.

I let out a small laugh.

He fucked me.

Harder.

Faster.

More desperately than before.

He wanted me to forget.

I could see the desperation in my eyes.

He wanted to be my saviour.

x.x.x

I woke up a few hours later and headed off to work.

I left Ichigo a note though.

So, I guess it was alright.

x.x.x

On my way home from work, I passed a tattoo parlour.

I smirked.

I walked in and looked around.

I needed money for this kind of thing, right?

I reached into my pocket and dug around.

I had a hundred dollars.

"Can I help you?"

Asked a red head.

Tattoos adorned every expanse of his skin.

I smirked.

"I want a tattoo, duh. Where's the most painful place to get one on the body?"

He looked at me curiously.

"There are four: top of your foot, behind your ear, your pubes, and your chest (depending how skinny you are)."

I laughed.

Pubes? Top of my foot?

"What about your face?"

I asked curiously.

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

I sighed.

"Well, you pick one and I'll be waiting in that room to get it done."

"Excuse me?" Incredulous.

"Oh, and try to chose something with lots of colour."

I said before going into the room to wait.

x.x.x

I decided to go to Ichigo's house first.

That was most likely where he would be.

I knocked his front door with a smile on my face.

I wonder what he would say

I had ended up getting a tree branch tattooed on my side. A giant tree branch that went all the way from below my armpit to my hip. It didn't have any colour in it, but, he said if I wanted anything added I just had to go back.

Pretty fucking awesome.

It had taken him seven hours.

Ichigo answered the door with heavy eyes.

"Grimmjaw, it's three o clock in the morning." He moaned.

"I want you to see something," I said excited.

I grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the bathroom.

He sat on the toilet and waited.

He was exhausted.

He looked at me somewhat curiously as I pulled my shirt over my head.

His eyes widened.

"What the _fuck?" _He practically sobbed.

"What do you think?"

He put his face in his hands, and rested his arms on his knees.

"Its good."

"Thanks"

I said with a smirk.

I moved down to kneel in front of him (still topless), and wrapped my arms around his waist.

He moved his arms around my neck.

We stayed like that for a while.

He wrapped his legs around my waist, and I carried him to his bedroom.

We slept with our limbs entwined.

x.x.x

I woke up to feather-light kisses along my jaw.

Along my neck.

My ear.

The sensation eventually changed into a curious tongue.

Lapping at my skin.

I chuckled softly.

I immediately felt Ichigo pull away.

"Good morning."

He blushed.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Shut-up." He muttered, before digging his face into my neck.

I chuckled softly.

"Hey," I murmured before kissing his neck and nibbling it softly.

He leaned into my ministrations.

Good boy.

I massaged his scalp with my fingers and he let out a contented sigh.

"So, are you gonna get your ass up and make me breakfast?"

I felt him glare at me.

I laughed.

x.x.x

It was a couple of hours before we had to go to school.

On the way I was _genuinely _surprised to find him holding my hand.

I gave him a sceptical look.

He really was a pussy sometimes.

I saw some of his friends wave him over, and I took this as an opportunity to leave.

I needed a smoke.

x.x.x

I went to class (and this is how you _knew_ I was a fucking masochist)

And my teacher wouldn`t stop screaming at me.

I apparently had some semen on the last research paper I handed in.

That was completely not my fault but I took her bullshit.

I also took that little slip of pink paper and made my way down to the principal's office.

I felt Ichigo's eyes on mine as I made my way down with a smirk.

Oh, well.

I wondered what the principal would say.

x.x.x

"What do you think your father would say, Grimmjaw?"

"I think it was probably his" I muttered to myself.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't see how my sex life is any of your business"

He sighed.

I had detention for at least a month after this.

I'd have to tell my boss.

x.x.x

"Grimmjaw?"

"What?"

"Your dad?"

"Yeah, it was his."

"Okay."

"Yeah."

He sighed as he nuzzled against my chest.

x.x.x

Everything became a routine after a while.

Ichigo, cutting, boiling shower, another tattoo, school, work.

The cycle repeated itself.

Oh, and I almost forgot my dad.

He was getting more aggressive and more violent lately.

It was easily ignored though.

The violence was easy to get used to.

Just an extra set of bruises.

I ran my hands down my body, as I stared at myself in the mirror.

Tattoos, cuts, bruises and burns.

I let out a shaky breath.

I wasn't gonna be able to take it much longer.

x.x.x

"Ichigo. What the fuck is going on?" I asked; my voice controlled.

His eyes were wide, as he tried to hide himself from me.

It was too late.

I already saw what he had done to himself.

Cuts adorned his skin.

All along his chest, and stomach.

And before I could hide _myself _he had seen my erection.

His eyes were wide as he threw his hands in the air incredously.

"Are you _SERIOUS?" _

I slowly began to pull of each layer of clothing.

He was shaking in front of me.

What did he _think _my reaction would be?

I crushed our bodies together, and felt the blood spread against my own stomach and chest.

I groaned, as I pressed my lips against his.

Life was the best it could be for a sadomasochist.


End file.
